We are now in our seventh year of homeschooling – eighth if you include my son’s preschool year. I would love to say that it’s been easy, but it hasn’t. The reality is that homeschooling has been my biggest joy, and also my biggest challenge. It has been the source of some of our greatest highs, and also our greatest lows. I have considered tossing in the towel more than once, going so far in fact as to call various schools to get enrollment information. But at the end of the day, I wouldn’t trade it for the world – except for the days when I would trade it for anything.
There are a few reasons that homeschooling has been challenging for us. Granted, to be fair, I think the first couple years are difficult for everyone. After all, homeschooling naturally has a huge learning curve – it takes time to learn your children’s learning preferences and styles, their strengths and weaknesses. Then too, we had some extra challenges, specifically our children’s neurological diagnoses (Autism, Sensory Processing Disorder, Tourette Syndrome and Executive Functioning issues, collectively) as well as additional health issues for my daughter. Homeschooling is hard enough on it’s own, but when you throw in some extra obstacles such as special needs and health issues, it just adds a whole new level of difficulty to it.
However, perhaps one of the main reasons homeschooling has been challenging, is because I have made it so. I made it more difficult than it needed to be, by my own fears, doubts and insecurities. I made it more difficult by paying too much attention to what everyone else was doing, by being swayed by other people’s pedagogical ideals, opinions on what is “the best way” to homeschool, and thoughts on which curriculum to use, or not use. I made it more difficult by sub-consciously worrying about making sure my child kept up to public school outcomes.
I made it more difficult by reading studies, articles, and blog posts about education, ad nauseum. I made it more difficult by worrying, incessantly. When I was following a relaxed approach, I worried we weren’t being rigorous enough. I worried that we weren’t doing music and art appreciation, Latin or French. When I was following a more traditional approach, I worried we were losing the “joy of learning”, falling into a “school at home trap” and that I was stifling my children’s creativity. I worried that we were doing too much. Either way, I worried that I wasn’t allowing my children to reach their full potential.
I second-guessed my decisions, constantly. We changed curriculum and direction in our homeschool so fast, so many times, that it left my children’s heads spinning. I couldn’t even begin to count the number of math programs we have tried. I wouldn’t even want to guess at how much money we wasted. One moderator of a Facebook curriculum swap group actually assumed that I had a buy/sell business going (which wasn’t allowed). Nope, I assured them, I’m just another over-anxious, insecure, self-doubting homeschooling Mom. You would think that his assumption would have been my wake up call, but no.
For many years, I let fear drive our homeschool. Which is technically to say that I let Satan drive our homeschool. Ultimately, the biggest reason why our homeschool ended up being more difficult than it needed to be, is because I forgot Who was in control.
I have been struggling in my personal faith for several years now, slowly feeling my well dry up, until this last year especially, I have felt completely empty. Somewhere along the way, I lost my connection to God. I continued to go through the proper motions, but I stopped living my life like God was in control. Instead, I was living as though I was in control. And what I have learned is, that is an incredibly overwhelming, scary feeling. One that leaves a person struggling with anxiety, fear, doubt, insecurity and worry. And I can tell you, it is not a good place to be in when you are homeschooling.
What I am happy to say is that my greatest gift this Christmas, was finding a new church home and a return to my faith. For the first time in a long time, I find myself filled with the joy of Christ again, with hope and what’s more… faith. Faith in His goodness, in His ability to guide not only my life, but those of my family. I find myself able to trust once more that God is in control. Of everything. And with that, comes a feeling of security and confidence. It is okay.
It is okay that my son actually likes his traditional Language Arts workbook, instead of the Charlotte Mason approach to Language Arts. It’s okay that we’re using Teaching Textbooks even though some say it’s not rigorous enough. It’s okay that he is not learning Latin. It’s okay that we are following his passions in science instead of doing traditional programs.
It’s okay that my daughter has a completely different learning style. It’s okay that she learned to read via sight words instead of phonics. It’s okay that she is unschooled, but that we’re formally focusing on social skills. It’s okay that she is learning French and my son is not. It’s okay that I don’t force her to do art and music appreciation, knowing that she hates it.
It’s okay that the bulk of our learning is just reading books and discussing them. It’s okay that I hatecbusywork activities that I know will only end up in the garbage. It’s okay that I am handing my son a daily planner with a to-do list of segregated subjects that he can check off as he completes them. It’s okay that we’re not taking a more integrated, holistic approach. It’s okay to admit that even though I absolutely love the philosophy behind unschooling, that it is just not for my son. Likewise, it is okay to admit the the rigor of a Charlotte Mason or Classical education or traditional education, also is not for my daughter. It is okay to not be a purist. It is okay that my children do different things.
Most of all, while I suppose I could be tempted to get caught up in regret for the mistakes I’ve made these last years, instead, I say – it is okay. It is okay I messed up. It is okay that they saw me struggle with doubt and insecurity. It is okay, because I have learned from my mistakes. It is okay, because I trust that God had a reason for letting me go through this experience, and that He will use it for the greater good of our homeschool. I need not fear that we are behind in our journey, because I know that God will guide us to where we need to be, when we need to be there.
So many times in the online homeschooling world, I have seen people talk about naming their homeschool, or adopting a motto. It honestly is not something I ever did. However, I feel like a new person these days, and I feel like we are turning over a fresh leaf in our homeschool, thus, I have decided to follow suit of the others in naming our homeschool. I chose Corinthians Academy, based off one of my favorite verses:
“For we walk by faith, not by sight.”
2 Corinthians 5:7
I feel like we can change the word walk, for homeschool: For we homeschool by faith, not by sight. We may not always know what this journey is going to look like, or what it is going to entail. Despite my renewed faith and joy, I am not naive – I know there will continue to be unforeseen challenges, discouraging days, and obstacles to overcome. But, we only need to keep the faith that God is in control, and that He works all things together for our good. If we love Him, and offer up our efforts for His glory, then we need never fear the outcome.
Homeschooling Joyfully 